We all worry there will come a time when our kids are smarter than us regarding one aspect of our life. It is true, they will. The topic where they will most likely surpass us, generally speaking, is with technology. Computers are much more common place today than they were when I was a kid, but I was attracted to the fast paced computer world long before my peers. So it is no surprise that my kids pick things up early and faster than I ever did. Being in the Information Technology field, I can not allow them to ever surpass me, although I know this will put my abilities to the test.

I can recall Thanksgiving at my in-laws house when my first son was eighteen months old. We were sitting around the dinner table enjoying the meal when we heard modem tones coming from my in-laws den. My son always enjoyed sitting on my lap while I checked email from an early age so it was no surprise he knew what the mouse was for. From there it was just a few simple clicks away from getting the right icon that opened up my in-laws internet account. I ran into the den and captured my little guy before he could do any damage to his grandfather’s account, but it made for a good laugh around the table. “Of course your son would know how to do that” and “When can we expect the authorities to start showing up at your house” is where the discussion led.

All my kids get excited when I would hold them on my lap to check email, or look up something up online. Being a technophile, I can’t let my kids get behind in technology. My wife just rolls her eyes and murmurs how she would have to fix the kids later. Somewhere between 2 and 3 the kids would start to play simple games either with my help or by themselves. Granted, I still have a son who is in this phase, and a daughter who enjoys trying to steal the mouse. They are in training.

After picking my oldest up from school one day, who was four at the time, he picked up a book I had next to him on the back seat. Mind you, he wasn’t reading words yet, but he could understand pictures and he asked why the brick wall was on fire. We discussed how he was looking at a network diagram and the “firewall” was meant to be a layer of protection against the bad people trying to get in. “Bad people are trying to get onto our computer” he inquired. I explained that possibly yes, and that we needed to always be careful online. In the years to come he took this advice to heart and tried to be a security evangelist around the neighborhood and at school. Those stories are for another time.

It should come as no surprise, although it did, when he called me at work and told me the firewall on the computer was not working. Yes, he does know the difference between a hardware and software based firewall. I asked him to tell me what the problem was, and he explained Firefox could not get to the internet. I asked him to check the cable modem and make sure all the proper lights were blinking on the router. “Yes daddy, I checked all those. It is the firewall.” I told him I would check everything when I got home.

I had applied a patch the night before, so when I got home and looked at the computer I realized he was right. The firewall was not functioning properly, blocking all outbound traffic. I confirmed his root cause analysis to which he enthusiastically ran around the house proclaiming “I FIXED THE COMPUTER, IT WAS THE FIREWALL.” I know I have my hands full with my kids in this digital age, and I know what I am doing. Most of the time anyway.

Before I became a father there many things I thought I would never be able to handle. It is funny how holding a little baby in your arms changes your outlook on your abilities. The first thing you realize as a parent is that without you, your child will not be able to do anything. So you quickly dive into the role of changing diapers. Before I was a parent, the idea of cleaning up poop turned my stomach. I know I was very uneasy at first, but after changing the first diaper I knew it wouldn’t be that hard. A newborn’s poop is not that bad, and the smile on my little guys face as I changed him made the thought of what I was doing much more bearable.

As a new parent I was not aware that changing the diaper could be a hazardous job. It seems there is a scientific effect of the room temperature air hitting the naked little one. The result of this reaction is that pee fires in the direction the child is facing, which when you are changing them happens to be straight at you. I understand it doesn’t matter if you have a son or daughter, you still are at risk. I can say after my first son, the next two did not get me and my daughter being the fourth child never had a chance. My first son however got me right on the chest with a stream of pee. The giggling this event produced in my son made it very difficult to do anything but laugh myself. It is amazing how you quickly adapt the diaper changing technique after this happens to you.

As your children get bigger, so does the stuff that fills their diaper. I can’t say you ever get used to changing poopie diapers, but you learn how to do it quickly reducing the amount of time you are exposed the sights and smells. Changing a regular diaper does not prepare you for when your child explodes. Modern diapers can handle some pretty amazing things, but there are times when your child wins the battle. At these times you can only hope it happens at a place you can quickly get them into a bath tub, if not be prepared to used an entire container of wipes if not more for you than them.

I will say even all this training ill prepares you for the grand finale. I never had a strong stomach as a child. Just hearing someone gag could push me over the edge. So it was the challenge of all challenges when I had to clean up the first big vomiting of my son. Yes, we affectionately say, “He puked.” I must say I was able to hold it down long enough to cleanup, and each time after that got easier.

Of course only having to clean up after one is a lot easier than two, three, or four. It is also much easier to clean up one of these than all three. So it was the ultimate challenge one night when all three of my sons woke up sick. My youngest had filled his diaper for me and was crying. As I picked him up to clean him off my two older sons woke up screaming and then began puking in their beds, in the hallway, and eventually in the bathroom. To say the scene was pandemonium would be an understatement. Our first priority was to get the kids cleaned up and back into bed. My wife and I did our best to avoid the traps laid by our kids and took turns bathing the kids and making their beds with fresh sheets. After the cleanup we both collapsed on the coach and did our best to purge the whole scene from our minds. So it was with some humor and some seriousness that I said to my wife, “I am hungry how about you?”

I haven’t been challenged with all four kids at once yet, although the dog added to the chaos one time when she was a puppy. I look back at when we had our first son when I thought I couldn’t handle the three Ps of parenting-Pee, Poop, & Puke. Now I am just left wondering how many different combinations can be thrown at me, and I shudder and laugh all at the same time.

Having kids is definitely a challenge, and there is very little down time in your day. We know moms do a lot of things for the family and for their kids. I have seen the signs that have all the different jobs a mom has to perform throughout the day. Driving into work I was thinking about this and I realized we never talk about what the dad does. Granted, mom goes through childbirth which puts the amount of effort well ahead in the overall race, but dads still contribute. So I thought to myself what types of things I could say that would describe what I do as a dad . I came up with the following that will act as my “Daddy Resume”. Of course I can’t speak for all dad’s around the world, but I would guess I am not the only who does these things.

Position: Daddy
2001-present

• Effectively coordinated and managed family, friends, and hospital workers in the birthing of four children. These projects included but were not limited to: informing family members of spouse and child status, maintaining the connectivity of my wife to the monitoring equipment, documented the first moments of our children’s lives while nurses swarmed both mom and child. All these activities were done without medication.
• Performed large and small scale toxic clean up. One incident involved three children and a dog and multiple levels of the house. Removal of bed linens and clothes, washing carpets and tile floors, bathed and assisted in soothing back to sleep.
• Maintained control of all four children in open environments such as grocery and department stores, independently. Once I successfully acquired professionally done pictures of three boys between 7 and 2 with all three smiling while my wife was out of town.
• Provides short order cooked meals and support of spouse carting kids around to multiple events on opposite sides of town. Have both cheered at games and events, and stayed behind with the little ones so they can have their naps.
• Learned the language of children such as “Flobbie” and “Ola Bar”. I also have a comprehensive working knowledge of what it means to play “tickle monster.”

Career Summary: Over the last 8 years I have been in both a support and lead position to carry out children’s necessities. Although each child is it’s own unique challenge, the rewards have been life changing. Keeping an active mind is the biggest challenge since a child constantly wants to learn new things and sometimes a traditional teaching approach is not always effective. I continue to tirelessly work to complete the requirements of daddyhood, knowing the results will put a smile on my face. Short term goals are achieved routinely on a daily basis while working to ultimately achieve the long term objectives of the family. I may not always choose the best approach to achieve the short term challenges; however, I try to learn from the mistakes I do make to ensure I leave a long lasting sense of love with my family.

That will do for now, it is time to be a daddy and let mommy get some rest.